ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
