i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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