90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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