is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
