Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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