my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.