I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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