she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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