There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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