I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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