i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
