just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
