I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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