Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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