Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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