Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
