i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
