I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
