You really coming over, don't trick.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
