i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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