he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
