So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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