Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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