Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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