Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
