Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
