What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
