I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
