it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's blow job season.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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