he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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