conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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