no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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