I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
