maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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