you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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