Kiss
Puke
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
