It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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