I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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