Tell her she can't have a vagina
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
