I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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