I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
