I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
