So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
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I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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