some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
