Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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