Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
