I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
