I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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