you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
