it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
