your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
