I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
