i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
