What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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