You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
