Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
