..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it was like eating out sand paper
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
