This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
