Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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