Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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