It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize