he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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