He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
