in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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