I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
