he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
