the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
