Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
