Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
