I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
