Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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