walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Fuck me I smell like cheese