I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
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Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
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I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.