I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.