I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
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I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
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I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants