Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
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You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.