cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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