My room smells like vodka and shame
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
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Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
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Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?