I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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