these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
do herpes really smell.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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