I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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